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Viggie
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read my profile
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Name: Adam
Location: Phoenix, Arizona, United States
Gender: Male
Interests: i like music, and laughing. and frisbee. Oh, and don't forget dancing, air piano (but not keytar), some video games, and all kinds of hanging out. I am as non-judgemental as I think someone born to a republican family can be.
I have recently grown a great appreciation for chill-axin.
Expertise: Who am I to say?
Message: message me
AIM:  AnimateAdam
MSN: horny_viggie@hotmail.com
Member Since:
1/3/2004
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| Too much is changing
Not enough people are reading
Too many of the wrong people are reading.....and they think I don't know
I am listening to The Bends on LP and deciding that this, lady and gentlemen, will be my last blog.
I started this as a means of keeping in touch with my fellow drum corps members when I was not on tour. We only spend 3 months of the year on tour, and those three months keep you closer to each other than most anything that happens in the dormant 9 months spent attending school.
But it did not take long for my audience to become primarily people I went to school with.
That soon changed into a small audience of people who either were Zarah or were spying on Zarah.
That soon changed into anyone who thought that since I had a link to my blog on facebook, that they were allowed to judge every action I take solely on my passive aggressive entries on the web.
Just to start this off right, I would like to thank a few people, with names attached, for paying attention. I know phone calls and emails were, at times, inconvenient, awkward, or inappropriate, but I appreciate the attention and the care.
Gustavo Camacho - you have been reading almost every day since you were aware of my blog, and for better or worse, you have been a friend and a supporter, and I thank you for that. I'm sorry for getting on your bad side. I did not anticipate it, though I suppose it was inevitable if I was to ever grow up. And btw, Anna and I are both big fans of your's. Thank you for having hope in us, where other Arizonians do not.
Anna Carlson - I talk to you now ever day, so you know what I have to say, and if you don't I will gladly answer you anytime.You are the girl I have been passively aggressively blogging about for over two years now, and I'm glad that you and I can finally talk on the same level. You are the best thing to happen to me, and no girl has treated me half as well as you treat me. Being with you is a dream come true. All past frustrations are dwarfed by how amazing you make me feel right now. I am endlessly lucky to be with you.
All Colts: This has been my main means of communicating with the corps that I marched with for 5 years. You all were the main reason that I started this crazy internet journal endeavour, and I love hearing from all of you. I feel that a lot of it is behind me, however. Mostly, I wish I was better at keeping in touch with all of you and that I could relate to you more.
TO EVERYONE ELSE: This blog was meant to be viewed by a small audience. Dad, I love you, but I never meant for you to see this. Mom understands that people need their space and their privacy, and I'm not sure that thought ever sunk in with you. After your visit in when I graduated in 2007, I was completely sure of it, though I think you have improved.
Other people have been watching my entries. I'm always willing to describe my entries, but some people are unprovokedly stealthy about it. That seems a little untrustworthy, when I'm being honest and forthcoming from the start and others are waiting to come forward with their claims of voyeurism.
For me, this blog has been a means of passively aggressively expressing myself. When I started, even my girlfriend was an unsafe means of expressing my means. When I moved to Arizona in 2005, this blog seemed like my only means of getting my viewpoints out in a world with which I wasn't familiar. When I felt lonely, the blog was the only place to which I could turn.
Things have changed dramatically since 2003. Anna, you have given me a foundation. I don't need to hide my feelings or express them violently to an invisible cyber recipient, and uninvited visitors need not misinterpret or exaggerate my claims any longer.
So in case it wasn't obvious, this is my last blog entry. I shall keep it visible for the next month before I terminate my xanga account indefinitely. The intended readers have stopped reading, people whom I've just met and don't know me through and through are reading and misinterpreting my words, and I no longer require a cyber means of expressing myself.
Special Thanks:
Anna Carlson
Ellyn Donahoe
Gustavo Camacho
Steve Giedosh
Anna Wellsfry
Maureen Annette
Miki Robrahn
Adam Anderson
Greg Asplund
Jon Schmidt
These are the people who interpreted me correctly -my intended audience.
Any inquiries concerning this blog can be directed to my email, at:
adam.a.nelson@gmail.com
Thanks for reading! The spring of 2006 was a particularly fun time. But the summer of the same year was the impetus of change.
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| Dude
Freakin DUDE!!!
the girl I've been blogging about for the last 26 months is coming to visit me in AZ tomorrow night.
It's almost too much to take.
This is fucking awesome
Here's to us, Anna
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| I do not
repeat
DO NOT
understand the appeal of OAR's "That was a Crazy Game of Poker"
The lyrics have the same poetic quality of R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"
I've heard OAR referred to as a jam band, which is a vague term used to say that a band doesn't play a song the same way twice and they have open solos...right? If it's something different tell me. But even in that capacity, OAR sucks. Terrible fills, solos, licks...nothing I have heard in this song is something that I haven't created accidentally and haphazardly in a basement with three other drunk musicians who knew just as little about improvising as I did.
It's fucking long. Too long. What's the point? Bohemian Rhapsody, Paradise by the Dashboard Light, even American Pie are justified in their excessive length (Bohemian is actually only 6 minutes long).
The lead singer has the annunciation skills of a tongueless Thom Yorke and the intonation of Cletus T. Judd.
Is the inclusion of the word "revolution" all it takes to get a young naive audience to like something? It would seem so in this case.
Don't get me started on Nickelback
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| Saturday
June 21
approximately 1 PM
I arrive at the hotel, as nervous as I can ever remember being...Would Anna be in the lobby? Would Carol or Matt be there? What on earth would I say to her if I saw her? It's been 22 months, to the day! I'm jittery beyond recognition, and excited...
I met no one whom I formerly knew in the lobby...though, I am pretty sure that Anna and Carol's Dad walked the opposite way as I did in the hallway towards my room; he was on the cell phone, dressed in a tux (or suit, I can't remember) and had some luggage on wheels behind him.
I got into my room and settled in. I showered and watched some olympic qualifying rounds (dude, nothing else was on at all) as I ironed my shirt that had been bundled up in my garment bag for a good week now.
It's only 3:00..too early to get to the church? The wedding starts at 4. Definitely too early. What am I supposed to do? There's only one person I'm dying to see at this wedding, and there's no way I can hang with her before or after the occasion...ergh! Nothing can be easy!
Time passes and I leave the hotel around 3:30. I don't see anyone I recognize in the hallway.
In the rental car I listen to some Brian Shepherd and Liquid Soul...I can't remember exactly which one, but I doubt I'm even paying complete attention to it: I'm caught between anxiety over seeing Anna again, and anxiety over playing in front of an audience who won't completely understand that I've fallen victim to numerous allergies upon my return to the midwest...
Shit...I'm in the church now, and I don't recognize ANYONE!!! Where are Gus and Keith and Ian? No one else from Aspen is here that I recognize...um...apparantly the groom's side is the right side...I'll sit there cuz it's really empty and I feel bad for Matt. Damn, the fucking Brady Bunch is sitting behind me. Dude, that couple has like 6 kids within 5 years of eachother. I hope my head doesn't roll off before the service is over...
Where are Gus and Keith and Ian? They're going to be late!
Oh...oh...dude. I found her. There's the bridal party. Oh my god....she never looked that pretty in my thoughts. Dude, I'm in over my head. What am I doing here?!?!?
Eek. Dude, is that incense? or Myr (sp?!?!?). I've never been to a service where a dude actually waves that shit around. *holding my breath* that shit smells. I'm not convinced it's necessary.
Oh man. She's fucking gorgeous...dude, I can't stop laughing here. Nothing would be funnier right now than a recitation of Wedding Vow Mad Libs. I would die laughing...
That digital piano sounds like crap. I'm sorry, but dude, figure it out. ufdah
Man...just when I thought Anna couldn't look prettier, she gets some sort of new facial expression on her, and it's a totally new beautiful girl that I've been dreaming of for two years.
The girl next to me and I have decided not to take communion...I've taken it before, I'm a confirmed Lutheran, but every time I take communion in a different church I fuck something up and the preacher/father/religious figure looks at me like I'm some sort of double-headed demon-spawn. The girl and I sit where we are and continue giggling at absolutely nothing.
It's all over now...the bridal party is marching back now...I'm just going to smile, not oggle. I'm right there, in the aisle seat. If this was an airplane, I would be getting pummeled by the beverage cart - that's how close to the aisle I am, and no matter how much I smile at Anna as she passes, she isn't looking at me...Should I take that personally? It's her sister's day, not mine and not Anna's...maybe she just doesn't notice me, or maybe she's overwhelmed with emotion. She certainly can't be distracted by the guy that's escorting her down the aisle....
Should I wait in line to greet the wedding party? Carol told me (in a text via Anna) that sound check was at 6, and it's already like 5:40...Yeah, I'll stick around and hug a bunch of people I don't know so I can see Anna. That will make it worth it..
Man, I don't know anyone in here. Matt never mentioned any of these people. I met his mom once, but never his dad. Does his dad even know about my existence? Carol's Mom certainly remembers me (yes, I have been texting your other daughter often - don't look at me like it's my fault), though her Dad doesn't...that's a good thing, right?!? I recognized him, and it certainly was him whom I saw in the hotel...I guess I was never introduced to him at Aspen. Well...he knows me now. No, that girl I am with is NOT my date.
Oh man...here she is...it's Anna...I'm still finishing off some irrevelant joke with a low brass player I've never met before, and I can't appear too eager to see her or the effect is lost. What should I say?
Should I hug her? Duh Adam, of course, everyone else was hugging her, why would she ever think that I had gone too far by hugging her? But what am I supposed to say? No amount of mirror-rehearsing can prepare you for this moment! Damn, she's beautiful...I'd seen pictures of her hair up and hadn't been to wild about them, but this is exquisite...
I really want to hold her
I want to hear her say that she's missed me as much as I've missed her
I want to kiss her
I want to pick her up and take her to my rental car and have my way with her
By now I've forgotten exactly what she said to me, other than the fact that she sarcastically alluded to the fact that she still has a thing for me...
but the line moves on, and now I have to hug Carol and Matt...
what now?
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| So I'm about a month late for my big Season 5 debut. But I'm okay with that. I'm writing this blog as I'm watching "All Dogs Go To Heaven" on my new favorite site, www.hulu.com
It appears as though the odds were against my favor for much longer than I thought. I'm in an okay place right now, but apparently I should be really happy for where I am. It seems every few months Anna had a reason to stop talking to me.
And thank God she's still talking to me, and we've made it this far. Seems I've made a few mistakes, been misrepresented, and sped off to conclusions from time to time. I'm not the type to make regrets of any kind, as I believe that every decision, good or bad, shapes the person I am into the person I desire to be. I'm not sure exactly who that is, but every step I take is forward. Even a step backwards turns into a step forward in the long run.
I'm in such a counter culture profession: Steady relationships are seen as foolish. Doing gigs for connections and little to no pay is a waste of time. It's not really the thought process I was brought up with. I've done many things that contradict my upbringing, but I remain a serial monogamist who, for better or worse, probably wants a family at some point.
And logistically, I don't know how to do it.
But emotionally, I don't care about the hows.
I care about the why's, and the what's
Most of all, the "who"
ps
anyone notice that I used a name this time? First time in quite a while. Proud? I am
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